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Title: Twilight: New Moon
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| CONSUMER ADVICE |
Parents, there is some mild language and violence. Recommended for ages 12 and up. |
I said it before and I’ll say it again: A person’s gender should not be a deciding factor when it comes to movies. So all you teenage girls who start writing a “well you don’t relate to this because you’re a guy” e-mails should just stop now. I don’t care. Yes, I’m a guy. No, I probably don’t know what it’s like to be a hormone/angst driven teenage girl, and if this movie is any indication I’m glad I don’t. All I know is the difference between a good movie and a bad movie. For the record this is a bad movie. A very, very bad movie. For some that’s all you need to know so you can safely leave now. I don’t feel like wasting any more of your time, as this movie certainly wasted mine. For those who are interested in a more intelligent recommendation though feel free to continue reading.
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“Twilight: New Moon” picks up shortly after the first movie where Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robbert Pattinson) are now officially a couple. When Edward first walks out of his care and the two of them swap spit together I was under the impression that this was a magazine shoot that somehow wound up in the movie. This was funny enough as it was but then they started talking. After receiving her birthday gift from Edward she complains she didn’t want any gifts. For some reason this prompts Edward to say “You’re breathing like a gift.” Later on in the film Bella says to best friend Jacob (Taylor Lautner) that he wouldn’t want her as a girlfriend because she’s too depressed that her vampire boyfriend left her. “I’m not a car you can just fix up,” she says melodramatically. “I’m never going to work right.”
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Most lines are like this. The person who wrote the screenplay probably would have been better off writing songs for Hannah Montana. Oh yeah, I forgot: Edward leaves Bella early on when a paper cut turns an otherwise pleasant evening into a fight for life. Her reaction to his leaving her is to sulk for months at a time because “He’s the only one I can love.” Nice to know she’s found that one true love at the ripe age of 17. Some of you might now be saying “Corny dialog? Is that you’re only complaint.” No it’s not, but I confess that dialog is a major part of movies. If done properly a single line of dialog can last for decades. But if you want other reason then I must confess the special effects have gotten worse. The vampires still look like actors with too much makeup and the werewolves...well, video games have more impressive visuals then these things do.
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The story is also underwhelming. I read the book and did not find anything really wrong with it, but now that it’s on the screen...I don’t know, maybe I need to reread it because I don’t remember the story twists being this colossally stupid. The situations in this could mostly be solved if everyone talked like a normal human being for five minutes. There were some highlights. Chris Weitz, fresh off his direction for “The Golden Compass,” seems more comfortable with the action sequences than Catherine Hardwicke was (though his involvement with the dialog-rich “About A Boy” makes this movies silly quotes all the more baffling). The musical score by Alexandre Desplat was a nice surprise. Much better then the forgettable rocks songs hammered into the audience during the film.
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The brightest spot in the film is actually from the new potential villain in the franchise, Aro (Michael Sheen). Aro is the leader of vampires and comes off as nice and diplomatic, but there is something in his eyes that lets you know he’s constantly trying to figure out where you fit into his plans. The casting of Sheen was perfect for this. In fact, with the addition of Dakota Fanning and (at least in the next film) Bryce Dallas Howard, I can’t help but wonder if the film makers are trying to make their movies more sophisticated. I don’t know, but these actors are better then this movie. In fact, they are better then both movies combined. We’re now halfway through the franchise and the movies have been anything but epic.
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They’ve fumbled around in bad acting, lousy dialog, and emotionally distant stories. Everything is so overdone you’d swear you were watching a soap opera (except soap operas have better acting and special effects). I am not a teenage girl, but I’d hope teenage girls aren’t all this dumb, and that some do want genuine, fulfilling entertainment. For those teenagers I highly recommend Lone Scherfig’s “An Education.” Another romance starring a girl falling for an older man, this movie has the intelligence that “Twilight: New Moon” does not. The dialog is realistic, funny, and good. The acting is excellent. There are no vampires or werewolves, but the way some people are taken advantage of in this film, they might as well be.
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