Title: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End Director: Gore Verbinski Staring: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightly, Chow Yun-Fat, Geoffery Rush Aspect Ratio: 2.35:1 Studio: Walt Disney Pictures Genre(s): Action Rated:       (For intense sequences of of action/adventure violence and some frightening images)   Buy From Amazon.com: Not yet available.

CONSUMER ADVICE

Parents, this is a maliciously violent film with very disturbing images. Recommended for ages 15 and up.

There is a daring scene early on in "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" that has lingered with me for the past few hours.  Elizabeth Swann, William Turner, and the recently resurrected Captain Barbossa are sailing the dangerous waters of World's End.  They do not know where they are going, but they happen upon the entrance to death a couple hours after being lost.  Barbosa laughs with triumph, though Elizabeth doesn't quite get how they managed to find the entrance without the map.  Barbossa proudly explains "Of course not, sometimes you have to get lost to find something.  Otherwise everyone would be able to find it."  I find this quote very daring in the sense that it should not be used in this movie, as it drew much scorn and a frustrated grunt from me, as it had been a long time since I'd seen a movie this confusing, this jumbled, and this convoluted in a long, LONG time!

Truth be told, I think I had an easier time following the storylines in "Syriana" and "Ocean's Twelve."  But I'm getting ahead of myself, so keep that quote in the back of your mind while you continue to read, we'll be getting back to it later on.  So as you all know, the movie "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" has been one of the most anticipated movies to come out this year.  Last years "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" disappointed people in two areas: The first area being that it ended on a cliffhanger that left everything unresolved, the second area in the sense that what we did get wasn't really that good.  But hey, ce la vi right?  We all knew that these two films would really be one film split into two, so everything was cool.  All we had to do was wait for "Pirates of the Caribbean: World's End" to come out, wrap up all those loose ends, and give us one hell of a ride.

Well, we get lose ends wrapped up all right, but the hell of a ride we get certainly wasn't the kind I was expecting.  The story for "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" is...scattered.  Barbossa gets to show us his extraordinary navigating skills, Elizabeth and Will get into "we're not quite speaking with each other" phase based on the kiss from the previous film, and Jack Sparrow is in la la land dealing with a split personality disorder he's seemed to develop over the past couple of days.  Oh, and there's the fact that Will's dad seems to be going through a amnestic stage where he forgets who he is and who will is, and Chow Yun-Fat makes his introduction in this movie as Captain Sao Fang, a pirate who starts off a domino effect of backstabbing that results in other characters back stabbing one another. 

In fact, there's a scene where no less then five characters backstab someone only to have that person backstab them back, and then have a third party member backstab that person as a result.  After the second backstabbing which resulted in a third or forth betrayal for this franchise, I decided that life was too short to have to keep track of pirate politics (though lo and behold, I get a rigged pirate election later on in the movie.  Yippee).  But the story, I keep forgetting to describe the story.  Though, thinking about it in retrospect, I don't know if I could honesty figure out what the story was.  I understood that the movie was opening with friends and enemies trying to resurrect Jack (therefore proving once and for all that this series could go on forever if the studios want it to).  Barbossa was revived through a spell, but the witch doctor informs us that Jack was swallowed "body and soul," so a more personal resurrection needs to take place.

So why do some of Jack's enemies decide to help with the rescue mission.  Because Jack is some sort of "Ninth Captain" who holds an item of some sort that is needed by the eight other captains, ro cast a powerful spell, or something like that.  Look, all I know is that several minor characters kept saying "what" during this whole explanation, so if the movie cast can't figure out what's going on, then neither can I.  Oh, and Davy Jones, the squid villain from the previous film is back, just as equally confused.  Englishmen board his ship with his heart in a chest.  Davy wants the heart off the ship, but during the climatic battle near the end of the film, Davy fights Jack relentlessly to keep Jack from getting it.  I'm sure there's a reason for this, but everything leading up to the climax is so murky and confusing, that I found I didn't quite care to know the reason.

Let's get back to the quote shall we?  The irony of the quote is that it comes early on in the movie, before I could even begin to tell you what was going on and why.  Near the end of the movie I didn't see the story much clearer.  One person told me that this movie will most likely make sense after multiple viewings, but I confess that I don't have the patience to see this again.  For the first two hours this film throws in death, resurrection, mutiny, betrayal, gaining power, losing power, politics, magic, a (unwilling) sacrifice, crabs, the way over-hyped Keith Richards cameo, and a Keira Knightly who fights in battle and doesn't even smudge her make-up or fashion sense.  This is just too much.  It doesn't make sense.  Truth be told, there were moments in the movie where I wondered if the actors were just making things up as they went along, giving the impression that this was a much more expensive "Who's Line Is It Anyways?"

The irony of the quote comes in that in retrospect, it seems like the producers knew what they were making, and was giving the audience a fair warning.  I will admit that the final battle that takes place during the third hour of the movie is excellent on so many levels.  The sword fight between Jack and Davy Jones in particular will be studied in film classes for years to come as a great example of pacing, tension, and excitement.  Like the rest of the movie this battle is bloated to epic proportions, but at least it's entertaining.  It still doesn't make sense, but it's at least it's entertaining.  But I don't like watching movies that seem to wander aimlessly, searching for meaning where there should be none.  "Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl" worked mainly because, above all else, it was a fun little movie.  It had some of the same problems this movie has, but it was played for fun most of the time.

This time the producers took themselves too seriously.  They try to make an epic movie and fail so...well, epically.  In that sense, maybe they did succeed in making an epic movie.  It's not the epic movie I wanted, and it's certainly not going to be the kind of epic movie many other people want either.  This movie has sucked almost all the fun and excitement out of the franchise for some mystical mumbo jumbo storyline that doesn't even make sense half of the time.  The movie is a dead zone of special effects and powerful acting that amounts to nothing when everything is said and done.  Call me crazy, call me a grump, call me whatever you want to, just don't call me for a "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Never-Ending Quest For Another $1 Billion In Ticket Sales."  The final irony is that the first movie made pirates cool for me and this final movie made them obsolete once more.  Darn, won't the ironies ever end with this movie?

Note: In this movie, the monkey Jack gets shot out of a canon.  I don't know WHY he gets shot out of a canon, he just does at one point!  Do with that information as you please.