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Title: Hannah Montana: The Movie
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| CONSUMER ADVICE |
Parents, there is technically nothing wrong with this film, but they would be better off to not let their kids watch it anyways. Read my full review for reasons as to why. Recommended for all ages. |
I don’t wish to sound like a grouch, but can someone please tell me why Hannah Montana is so popular? Because after an hour and a half of watching her movie, brilliantly titled “Hannah Montana: The Movie,” I’m starting to fear for our kids future. I’m not kidding either I’m really, truly serious about this. As far as I can see there is no intelligent or sophisticated nutrition to be found in this young girl that Disney has so brilliantly manufactured to con the world out of its cash. And I’m not questioning this because I haven’t seen the show. I have. I may not have sat through an entire episode, but the bits and pieces I saw here and there weren’t anything to write home about. Now that I’ve sat through the movie I’ve concluded that kids can do much better then this piece of tripe.
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If your kid walks out of this movie and thinks it’s great then slap yourself, because you obviously aren’t exposing them to any good movies out there. The movie revolves around Hannah at the height of her popularity. She’s so big that she’s even been invited to replace Beyonce at a New York event. Her dad is concerned that she may be losing focus on what’s important in life. I’d have to say dad may have a point: it’s not everyday your daughter misses her brother leaving for college, her best friends birthday, AND gets caught by a journalist fighting over a pair of shoes for the tabloids! He whisks her away to Tennessee, the state that Japan never discovered, and as such there isn’t so much as a cell phone in sight. Of course Hannah hates it there, to the point where she even tells her grandma that she would rather be home.
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To her face. In front of everyone. At her birthday party no less. I can not tell you how much I wanted to slap this girl at times. Soon though country life starts to appeal to Hannah (now simply Miley), especially since she discovered the boy her grandma hired to help over the summer. Yeah, it’s one of those summer romances that never laugh. Wasn’t high school so much fun? The previews have been advertising that Hannah will have to make a choice and choose what life she wants to live. I don’t want to give away that choice, but if you think that choice is going to seriously effect the format of her already established Disney Channel show that’s going to be airing it’s third season soon...well, then obviously you yourself are in need of exposure to some movies in general.
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I’d say this was a complete waste of time but chances are you knew that before reading this, so I’m going to take it a step further by saying this is also entertainment that is unhealthy for kids. Watching a bimbo girl love one life for it’s material things and then love another life because of the boy with the great body is not someone I would want as my daughters role model. I have nothing against girls falling in love with boys, but the boy better have something more then a great pair of abs or else the honeymoon is going to be over real fast. I also find the stupidity of the whole Hannah Montana scam to be very dumb. All she does is wear a wig when she becomes Hannah.
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Her face, height, eyes, and everything else is exactly the same. What, does everyone in this movie suffer from Superman syndrom or something? Besides, in a world where TMZ and Perez Hilton exist this scam couldn’t last very long in this world. That said, yes, I acknowledge that this is a fantasy world. But I can’t help but wonder what kind of world we live in where this is acceptable entertainment for kids. It’s junk food, and there’s no meat to this movie at all. If this was your kids first theater experience then I feel sorry for that kid. I think the final nail in the coffin was when a business mongol, who’s trying to build apartments on the land, says that short of The Beatles doing a benefit concert the town cannot possibly raise the money they need. So is this movie suggesting Hannah Montana is bigger then The Beatles? I’ll wager any Disney executive that in five years Hannah will die but The Beatles will live on.
P.S. Coincidentally, The Beatles are re-releasing their entire catalog of music this year in one big glorious box set. Parents would do well to make this a gift for all their kids around Christmas time and let them know what real music is.
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